I am struggling today. My morning reading took me to several passages regarding divorce and remarriage. All very explicitly state that to marry another was to commit adultery.
Matthew 5:31-32 and 19: 4-9
Mark 10:5-12
1 Corinthians 7:10-17
Yet, none seem to take extreme situations into consideration. What about the situation where not only adultery was endured, but extreme abuse? Does GOD punish me for having to flee for the lives of my children?
When I was seeking GOD during the darkest, most dangerous days of my marriage, we had a very interesting conversation one morning while I was feeding the chickens. It was cool and dewy, a beautiful morning, but fear was gnawing on me. I had been sent outside to care for the animals, while the children (who usually accompanied me) were kept inside by their father to guarantee that I “didn’t do anything stupid.” I was just rambling away, telling GOD how I just didn’t understand what was happening. I had been a faithful wife. I had followed Sarah’s example and obeyed my husband even when his choices were wrong and placed me in harm’s way. I was overwhelmed trying to be an obedient wife and protect my children at the same time; often I had to choose one or the other. Finally I just concluded, "GOD I know Sarah did this and you rescued her, but Sarah didn’t have babies!”
At that moment, I heard GOD just as clearly as if he were standing there. He said, “Remember Abigail. She went against her wicked husband and I blessed her.” I was shocked! I hadn’t heard or even thought about Abigail since I was a small child listening to my mama read from a big volume of Bible stories. As soon the chores were done and I had a few minutes, I hid away with my Bible and her story again (I Samuel 25).
Within days, the children and I were out and safe. That in itself was a huge blessing. Hostage situations including family members usually result in a mass murder suicide situation. Just being alive, beat all the statistics (in their culture, Nabal could have had Abigail killed for her disobedience). Yet, now I am left with another question. Am I Biblically allowed to remarry? Unlike Nabal, the “churlish” man I was married to, did not drop over dead in his dinner plate. He is still around, showing up just frequently enough to keep the children terrified of every shadow in the yard.
I want to do what is right in the eyes of GOD. I have no desire to lead another into sin, by allowing them to commit to a marriage that may be seen as adultery in HIS eyes. Yet, I cannot fathom how a loving GOD would stamp me as damaged goods and set me up on the shelf for sixty years.
Oh dear our lives seem so similar it is scary. I was married to a monster and I struggled with this same question you are facing. In fact I still struggle to find the answer to it. The only thing I know for sure is that it has been 5 years since I left that mad man I was married to and have not once felt like I made a mistake in doing that. I do feel that the Lord led me and my children out of that hostile environment to move on to a better life.
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